As a supervisor, my phone screen lighting up at 6:05 AM usually means one thing: the dreaded call out text. Look, I get it. People get sick, kids wake up with fevers, and sometimes you just need a mental health day. It is part of managing a team. But over the years, I have noticed a bizarre psychological trend. Instead of just saying "I'm under the weather," people feel compelled to craft elaborate, cinematic masterpieces to justify their absence.
Here is a little secret from the management side of the desk. The more intricate your story is, the less I actually believe you.
The Hall of Fame: Excuses Categorized by Theme
When you give a basic excuse, managers don't think twice. But when the story involves complex physics or minor natural disasters, suspicion levels skyrocket. Over my time managing teams, and talking with fellow supervisors, I have encountered a few categories of excuses that make us scratch our heads.
🐾 Animal Antics
The Key Thieving Squirrel: An employee claimed a rogue squirrel snuck into their garage, snatched their car keys right off the workbench, and sprinted up a backyard oak tree with them.
The Feline Hostage Situation: One worker texted that their extremely territorial cat had fallen asleep directly on their face, and they couldn't move or get out of bed without risking a claw-induced medical emergency.
🩹 Beauty and Self-Care Blunders
The Extension Emergency: Another phoned in to explain they accidentally glued their hand to their own forehead while trying to fix a loose hair extension, requiring an emergency clinic visit to dissolve the bond.
The Blood Pressure Trap: An employee called out because they somehow managed to get their arm completely wedged inside a grocery store’s automated blood pressure machine.
🛒 Grocery Store Misadventures
The Popsicle Prison: A worker claimed they got locked inside a grocery store’s industrial walk in freezer after hours while hunting for a specific brand of organic popsicles.
The Cat Food Confusion: A classic floating around management circles involves the employee who accidentally ate canned cat food instead of tuna and became violently ill.
🏠 Home and Appliance Battles
The Microwave Meltdown: Appliance issues are common, but "I put my uniform in the microwave to dry it quickly and it burst into flames" is a bit much.
The Under Bed Conundrum: It is hard to get to work when you claim you are physically stuck under your own bed frame and cannot wiggle free.
Why Less Is Always More
When an employee sends a text that reads like a treatment for a sitcom episode, it immediately triggers an internal investigation in a manager's mind. Why? Because honest people usually keep it brief. If you are actually sick, you usually don't have the energy to explain the mechanics of how a rodent outsmarted you. You just want to sleep. When you over explain, it looks like you are trying to construct an airtight alibi.
If you need to call out, please know that you do not need to perform. You do not need to manufacture a crisis involving a runaway llama, a sudden burst of holistic healing, or a rogue sandwich. Save yourself the creative writing exercise. All I need to hear is: "I am not feeling well today and need to take a sick day. I will keep you updated on my return."
That is it. No questions asked, no suspicion raised, and your dignity remains entirely intact.
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